Attempted Insight

Funny how things work out in life... or don't. They say time is the fire in which we burn. Jacob, the Book of Mormon prophet said that "and also our lives passed away like as it were unto us a dream". A little over a year ago I graduated from Utah State and thought 'I'll just play this summer and figure out life as the summer progresses'... and now I find myself still in that season of figuring out life. Ambition has never been one of my strong suits and though now I am actively working toward the goal of grad school, I still wonder about the days that pass by where an hour of study for the GRE seems minuscule and all but significant. Is it important, I think so, but that doesn't make it monumental. Merely a step. One step, two steps, three steps. Life is full of steps, but to really matter, the steps need to be headed in a specific direction. As it is, I seem to be doing a waltz. One two three one two three... but always in circles. And though I regularly remind myself I'm never alone, I still feel that I am waltzing alone, and as I turn, I catch glimpses of others walking past me. Some quickly, some slowly. Some even, seeming to walk past me backwards. Some don't even move. But for all the steps I take, there is progression, however minute. It is this progression that I must focus on. I must make the strides larger, the music louder, until finally I stop spinning and the one two three's of my steps become not mere attempts to reach some undefined finale, but crescendoed beats to the Maestro's planned end. My end.